Total Drama Action: Harold Plays Smarter, Avoid the Confrontation
by CanineCartoonLover150
Summary: Season 2, up to episode 23, 2008: A Space Owen. What would happen if Harold had second thoughts confronting Owen for his role as Chris's spy? Who would be eliminated instead? Plot point: Owen never voted for Harold as he is unaware that Harold knows about his sabotaging business.
1. 2008: A Space Owen

2008: A Space Owen

**It's time for Total Drama Action**** to lift off as Beth, Courtney, Duncan, Owen, and Harold**** compete in space-themed challenges**** in order to win immunity****. Beth and Courtney**** start to feel a strain on their recently made alliance****, while Owen**** still can't shake off his guilt of being under Chris's employment****. After a number of calculations, Harold**** believes that Owen is a traitor**** among the cast, but he is unable to warn the other remaining contestants yet, but gets Duncan eliminated instead****.**

* * *

(Duncan and Harold outside trailers, listening to Beth and Courtney's fight)

Harold: (worried) Whoa, the girls are really going at it in there.

Duncan: (amused) Yeah, it's the astro-hot versus the astro-not. I love a good catfight.

Harold: I too love a good catfight. But ones with real cats who wear tiny boxing gloves.

Duncan: (raises eyebrow at Harold, annoyed)

* * *

(Inside trailers)

Courtney: (angry) I can't believe you went against me like that!

Beth: (angry) Hey, you deserved it for being so mean and bossy towards me.

Courtney: (offended) Ugh! Well, if that's how you feel, the girl alliance is over!

Beth: (turns away angrily) Fine!

Courtney: (turns away angrily) Fine!

* * *

(Confessional)

Courtney: (annoyed) As usual, I'm better off on my own. There's no team in "I". So from now on, it's the Courtney alliance. (serious) And I'm in it to win it.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Harold sitting alone outside trailer, writing down calculations)

Owen: (walks up to Harold) Yo-yo, what's up, H-man?

Harold: (annoyed) What's it to you, trait- (realizes what he said) (nervously) I mean uh, nothing! Nothing at all!

Owen: (confused) Huh? Um, what's going on?

Harold: (nervously) Um… it's none of your business, okay?! (runs away)

Owen: (confused) Dude, what's up with him?

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: (serious) I've been doing some calculations. And Owen was apparently the only person not accounted for at the time of the fuselage malfunction. And I WAS going to ask him where he was, but it's best to not risk it for now. But still, he can't fart his way out of this one. (pulls out Owen's trophy) One way or another, math never lies, but Owen the traitor does! Hi-yah! (karate chops trophy in half)

(End confessional)

* * *

(Beth exits trailer, Harold pulls Beth into bushes)

Beth: (annoyed) Hey!

Harold: SHH!

Beth: (confused) Harold? What's going on?

Harold: Beth, who are you gonna vote off?

Beth: (worried) Um, it's Courtney. Why do you ask?

Harold: Figures. But listen, I need you to vote off someone else instead.

Beth: (worried) What? Why?

Harold: (serious) Look Beth, this is hard to explain but… (looks around) (whispers in Beth's ear)

Beth: (denial) That's insane! He would never do that to us!

Harold: I know, and I'm still not sure about that either, but we don't want him to know that now. Please, Beth.

Beth: (unsure) Hmmm.

Harold: (sighs in defeat) I know I'm going to regret this but… if you keep it a secret, I'll… give you a kiss.

Beth: (excited) Deal!

Harold: (cringes in disgust)

* * *

(Gilded Chris Ceremony)

Chris: And five shall soon become four as we bid farewell to another cast member. Everyone, cast your votes.

Duncan: (smug) This'll teach you to mess with my (votes) Scruffy.

Harold: (angry) (whispers) You got lucky, traitor. (votes)

Owen: (pondering) Hmm. (shrugs) Oh well, might as well be (votes) somebody.

Beth: (angry) The girl alliance is over so this is what you get, and for (votes) Harold!

Courtney: (annoyed) (to camera) Back off! There's a reason this is called secret voting, people. (votes privately)

Chris: And the gilded Chris goes to… (throws gilded Chris) Beth, Owen, Courtney, (Harold quivering in fear, Duncan crosses arms determined) aaaand… (throws gilded Chris) Harold! (Harold catches gilded Chris in victory, Duncan and Courtney shocked)

Courtney: (angry) WHAT?! Wait a minute, this has to be a mistake!

Chris: (smirks) Nope. No mistake this time. Three votes Duncan, two votes Harold. (Courtney distressed) Sorry Duncan, your lame-o-sine awaits.

Duncan: (looks around, gasps in shock) (drops head in defeat, walks off)

Harold: (devious smile) (runs up to Duncan, pulls Duncan's pants down)

Duncan: (embarrassed) HEY! (Chef carries Duncan off) (sighs in defeat) I kinda had it coming. (annoyed) But come on! I mean fifth place? Doris's the one who SQUASHED MY SCRUFFY! (Chef throws Duncan in lame-o-sine) Just you wait, nerd! You hear me?!

Courtney: (distressed) BYE, HONEY! I'LL WAIT FOR YOU!

Duncan: (irritated) You haven't seen the LAST OF ME!

Chris: (smug) We'll see about that.

(Lame-o-sine drives away high speed)

Chris: You'll see how our remaining contestants suffer. Next time, on Total, Drama, Action!

* * *

Lame-o-sine: Duncan

Duncan: (lamenting) Well, I guess fifth place is better than sixth place. But it would of been sweet if I made all the way to the end (angry) over Harold the nerdling! (smiles) But at least I almost got third place in the school archery competition. Till I shot an arrow through the principal's butt! (laughs) You should've seen his face! And also have another two years of detention to look forward to when I get back. (proud) I get to hang with all the loser kids! They do my homework for me and stuff! You could say that I'm their leader! Man, and just wait till they hear I have a girlfriend now! (worried) But...do I have to tell them it's Scruffy?


	2. Top Dog

Top Dog

The final four (Harold, Beth, Owen, and Courtney) participate in an animal-themed challenge. The drama intensifies when Owen is about to be exposed for being Chris's mole. At the Awards Ceremony, Beth meets her end due to Harold being tired of her imposing herself onto him, but not before Courtney's lawyers discover Owen as Chris's spy and causing him to be fired. This all leads up to the final two (Courtney and Harold) of Total Drama Action being determined.

* * *

(Recap)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action, a surprise package from the outside world promised big things for Beth, and the cast got a taste of life in zero-gravity conditions. But all was not well in the universe as Owen struggled with his new role as mischief maker. In the end, Beth ended her engagement but won the challenge. Courtney ended the girls' alliance but won back her independence. And Harold held back a risk in exposing Owen the mole, but won his longstanding war against Duncan. Will Courtney's chance to go to the distance be hurt without her bad boy boyfriend? Will a guilty conscience cause Owen to crack? And will Harold be able to rat out Owen the mole for his spying business? All this and more on today's out of this world episode of... Total, Drama, Action.

* * *

Owen: (sleeping in trailer) (farts and wakes up surprised) Huh? (confused) No pillow whipped at my head? No angry threat to stick a cork in it? (calm) Oh right, Duncan's gone last time. (realizes something, gasps and gets out of bed) (worried) Where's Harold?!

(Harold enters the trailer, groaning in exhaustion)

Owen: (worried) Where were you all night? (panics) An alien abduction? It was, wasn't it?! (shakes Harold) You were subjected to an endless night of alien probing! (stops shaking and sobs) The humanity!

Harold: (crossing arms, annoyed) Chill, Owen. I spent the night in the girls' trailer.

Owen: (grins, curious) Really? What did you do all night? (nudges) C'mon, c'mon!

Harold: (pushes Owen, annoyed) Down, boy! Beth and I just (cringes in disgust) kissed once. Talked about "relationship" stuff after that. It's a little hazy... I'll let you know after I wash my (shows drool on cheek) face.

Owen: (confused) Dude, Beth just... licked your face?

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: (wiping off drool with cloth, annoyed) Beth ALSO told me to give her make-out sessions every three hours until she gets over me being "her boyfriend". This is NOT how I want to get her to vote out Owen! I think I would have preferred a night of alien probing.

(End confessional)

* * *

Harold: (yawns, stretches, lies on bed trying to sleep)

Chris: (plays fanfare on trumpet at Harold) (Harold wakes up surprised, hits head on bunk bed, rubs head in pain) Wake up, sleepyheads. Breakfast is served. Along with today's movie challenge. You got ten minutes to get your sorry butts down there. (walks out)

Harold: (exhausted) Great... maybe I'll get lucky and today's genre will be "guy in a coma" movie.

Owen: (nervous) Did you say something? I heard "breakfast is served" and it all gets kind of hazy after that.

* * *

Beth: (happy) Wow, Chef! These scrambled eggs actually look pretty good!

Chef: (laughs hysterically) "Scrambled eggs"! (laughs hysterically) (falls over)

Beth: (walks up to sad Courtney, smirking) So, Courtney, you miss Duncan, huh?

Courtney: (sad) Yeah. (sighs) I was going to finally work things out between him, but now that he's gone, I couldn't give him (pulls out stack of papers) this. I wrote him a thirty-two-page letter outlining all his faults and how to correct them if we're ever going to have a serious relationship. All of which I expect him to memorize! Specifically page nine, section three, paragraph four, and on page twenty-two, section eleven, paragraph eight.

Beth: (love-struck) At least Harold and I have something that isn't mean. (worried) We didn't keep you up, didn't we?

Courtney: (shrugs) Nah.

* * *

(Confessional)

Courtney: (about Harold and Beth's talking) I totally heard every insane things. Well, almost everything. But that's not the reason I was up. I tried to sleep but apparently... I miss Duncan, a lot. I finally dosed off around three, (proud) but that's not keeping me from participating the next challenge, (worried) I think. Poor Harold, though.

(End confessional)

* * *

Owen: (runs up to serving table) (looks around) (excited) (gasps) (Chef serves Owen) Mmm, scrambled eggs. (Chef laughs hysterically again)

Harold: (walks in kitchen tent, exhausted) Hey, Beth.

Beth: (annoyed) Harold! I thought we agreed you would start using pet names for me. We talked about it last night!

Courtney: (annoyed) Around two thirty five.

Harold: (exhausted) I-I will, I will. I-I'm just really tired right now. Aren't you?

Beth: (happy) Don't worry, I forgive you. Just don't let it happen again, okay?

Harold: Anytime, Beth- I mean babe.

Beth: (love-struck) That's better.

(Owen chokes on food)

Courtney: (annoyed) I know, right? Those two are sickening.

Beth: (worried) Oh my gosh! Owen's choking! (jumps on Owen's back, tries to squeeze Owen, Owen punches his stomach, spits out food)

Chef: (whistling tune while stirring pot) (food flies into pot) (shrugs) (resumes stirring pot, whistling)

Courtney: (hears beeping, pulls out PDA) New message? What do they- (Chris appears)

Chris: (carrying parrot on shoulder) Attention, cast. (parrot squawks)

Harold: Dude, what's with the psittacine? (contestants stare at Harold, confused) You know, psittacine? The genus for par-

Chris: (annoyed) No one cares, Harold. That's my new B-F-F-F, Best Flying Friend Forever. That brings us to today's movie genre, the animal buddy flick. (contestants raise eyebrow at Chris, annoyed)

* * *

(Confessional)

Chris: (annoyed) Hey, you try coming up with twenty-six movie genres! It was either "animal buddy" or "guy in a coma" movies!

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: The hallmark of any good animal buddy flick is the human animal bonding. First, the human and the animal start out as enemies. Then, through many misadventures, animal and human come to care about each other (parrot smiles, touched), and become fast friends. (parrot nuzzles Chris) (Chris tickles parrot under chin, parrot bites finger and squawks) (annoyed) You guys, just hang tight for a sec, okay? (walks away, beats up the parrot, comes back messed up, brushes feathers off) So, where were we? Right. The first animal buddy movie challenge will be to pick an animal and teach it to be just like you. That shouldn't be too hard, since you're all animals! (rim-shot, contestants unamused) The cast member whose animal most resembles them at the end wins the challenge.

* * *

(Confessional)

Beth: (happy) I've always shared a bond with nature's creatures. When I was a kid, I made friends with the rats in our attic. (excited) It was like Cinderella.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Outside trailers)

Chris: Alright cast, time to meet your future B-F-F-F-F-F's, Best Furry, Feathered, or Finned Friends Forever. (Chef rolls eyes, reveals animals)

Contestants: (gasp in shock)

(bear and shark roars, raccoon snarls, chameleon sticks out tongue)

Chris: Pick an animal and get training, you have three hours.

Courtney: I GOT THE SHARK! (runs to shark, pushes Beth down) THE SHARK'S MINE! (hugs tank) (raises arms in victory) Yes!

* * *

(Confessional)

Beth: (annoyed) Actually, it makes perfect sense. Those two are made for each other! The only difference is one would eat you alive in a heartbeat, and the other's a shark.

(End confessional)

* * *

Harold: I'll take the chameleon, (sad) in tribute to my beloved reptilian friend, Leshawna Junior.

Owen: Dude, L.J was a bug.

Harold: (angry) Nobody talks about Leshawna like that! Nobody! (Owen nervously runs behind bear)

Owen: (nervous) I'll take the bear. All they do is eat and sleep. (amused) (chuckles) We're practically related.

Beth: (walks up to raccoon) Guess that leaves this little guy. (bends down) I've always have a soft spot for vermin. (offers hand) Shake a paw? (raccoon tries to swipe at Beth, Beth retreats scared) (walks up to Chris, nervous) Please tell me this cute little creature (leans on Chris) has been tested for rabies.

Chris: (smirks) (two thumbs up) Nah.

Beth: Aww. (faints)

Chris: (whispers to Chef) Did we check for rabies? (Chef shrugs)

* * *

Harold: (frustrated) (to chameleon) No, no, no. I told you dark red like my (points to hair) hair. Not that color magenta. Come on, get it right. (Chameleon turns light blue)

Beth: (happy) (to raccoon, snarling at Beth) Come on boy, you can do it. (holds up treat, raccoon stops snarling, confused) Roll over. Play dead. (raccoon continues snarling) (worried) Anything?

Courtney: (to shark) (serious) Look, let's not waste each others time. I don't like you, you don't like me, but if you help me get to the finals, I'll make you a very rich shark.

* * *

(Harold exhausted)

Beth: (walks to Harold) Harold! Hour's almost up!

Harold: (confused) Hour for what?

Beth: (annoyed) Make-out session, ring a bell? You promised to give me three minute long kisses every three hours for what I know (whispers) about you know who.

Harold: (nervous) Oh, yeah, right... (groans in dismay)

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: (annoyed) Look, I like Beth and need her vote against Owen and all, but NOT as her boyfriend and the fact I'd also like a million big ones. Best case scenario, I win the money and the girl. But when it comes down to it, I would rather want the money more than I need some clingy girlfriend with a tendency of personal space invasion, heh. (nervous) Ehhh... but, don't tell her I said that, okay?

(End confessional)

* * *

(Owen sitting next to bear) (Owen pulls out lollipop, about to eat lollipop) (bear swipes lollipop from Owen, licks lollipop) (Owen pouts in dismay, Chris runs up behind Owen, whispers something to him) (Owen alarmed)

* * *

(Confessional)

Owen: When Chris first offered me money to sabotage the other cast members, I didn't handle it very well. (smiles) But now I kind of dig it. As long as I mess with everyone equally, it's not I'm giving anybody the advantage.

(End confessional)

* * *

Harold: (desperate) (to chameleon) Gosh! Please, if you know what's good for me, (points to hair) then you'll get it right. (notices Owen on harness behind him about to sabotage him with spray paint can) HI-YAH! (stops Owen by grabbing wrist in surprise)

Owen: (drops spray paint can, gasps in shock)

Harold: (faking confusion) Owen? What are you doing with...a harness? And a... can of spray paint?

Owen: (nervous) Oh, uh nothing! Just...um...(retreats)

Harold: (angry) (whispers) I knew it!

* * *

(Confessional)

Owen: (panics) What just happened?! It's never been that way before! (nervous) Is Harold onto me? (denial) Nah, he's probably weird like that. (distressed) But man, I really need to be more careful. So I'll just skip him for now.

(End confessional)

* * *

Courtney: (carrying pom-poms) Ready? Here we go! (cheers) F-I-S-H-Y! You ain't got no alibi! You fishy, uh-huh! You fishy, uh-huh! Come on, get your fins up! Fins up! Come on, get your fins up! (Stops cheering, annoyed) Get your fins up! (shark stares at Courtney in confusion) Okay, from the top! (cheers again) (Owen appears on harness, not noticing Harold behind him carrying knife) F-I-S-H-Y! (Owen pokes finger with pin, about to sabotage Courtney) You ain't got no alibi! (Harold silently cuts off harness with knife, Owen falls to ground shocked, Harold silently runs off satisfied) You fishy, uh-huh! (Owen looks around nervously, runs away from Courtney) You fishy, uh-huh! (stops cheering, annoyed) Hey bait breath, you getting all this or what? (shark still stares at Courtney in confusion) (face-palms) Ugh!

* * *

(Confessional)

Courtney: I've been dealing with an entire team of top notch lawyers, (serious) so I'm not to be ignored by a glorified dolphin!

(End confessional)

* * *

Courtney: (desperate) Okay look, help me out with this, and I'll let you use (pulls out PDA) this. (serious) But no long distance calls. Seriously, my roaming's already through the roof, deal? (Shark ponders, smiles and nods in agreement) (throws PDA into tank, shark fiddles with PDA) (sighs in dismay) The things I do for invincibility. But good thing it's waterproof.

Beth: (to raccoon) (happy) It's easy, just watch and learn. (on all fours) Look. (raccoon watches in confusion) (bites rope, panting) (raccoon pulls out treat from box, tosses treat in Beth's mouth) Mmm, (Owen appears behind Beth on harness, not noticing Harold behind him) thanks.

Owen: (confused) Clearly, I'm not needed here. (retreats)

* * *

(Film lot, judging)

Chris: All right cast, time to judge the animal buddies. Beth, you and your raccoon are up.

Beth: (sad) Sorry Chris, but I was totally unable to teach my raccoon anything.

Chris: (curious) Hmm.

Beth: (panics) Oh no! I lost my retainer! (Chris watches Beth and raccoon digging through garbage can) (raccoon finds retainer, Beth puts retainer back in mouth) (Chris and Chef look at each other confused, hold up cards)

Chris: (impressed) Ten. (Beth and raccoon high five)

Chris: All right bear, show us your best Owen impression. (Owen and bear wake up) (Owen yawns and stretches, bear farts) (Chris and Chef hold up cards showing six unimpressed)

Owen: (sad) No fair. (bear rubs its nose) We haven't started yet. (picks nose)

Chris: (annoyed) Next.

Harold: (points at hair) (chameleon changes color correctly) (crosses arms in victory) (Chris and Chef applause and hold up cards showing eight)

(Shark fiddling with PDA, sees message alert, shows PDA to Courtney)

Courtney: (sees alert) Shoot. Forgot I had a message.

Chris: (annoyed) Courtney, you seem to be distracted from the challenge.

Courtney: Oh yeah, right! (to shark) Okay, um, do your thing! (shark nods, puts away PDA, jumps up high from tank, doing graceful flips, swan dives back into water, bowing proudly) (Courtney puts arms on hips, proud)

Chris: (impressed) Whoa, nice one! (Chris and Chef hold up cards showing eight) Points have been tallied, and the winner of the first challenge is...Beth!

Beth: (happy) Yeah! I'm the winner! (raccoon tosses treat in Beth's mouth)

Chris: (smirks) Yeah, and also a loser. (turns to camera, winks) Be right back!

* * *

(Bus carrying contestants arrives in forest, pulls over by tree, opens door)

Chris: (walks out) Here we are, gang. Don't you just love field trips? (Contestants with animals walk out)

Beth: (frowning) The woods? Again? (Owen pulls bear out of bus) (Courtney jumps down from roof, carrying shark tank)

Chris: Your next challenge is to find your way back to the film lot, a ten mile hike through these woods, using only your animal buddies to guide you. (Contestants turn to animals, animals shrug clueless) (serious) But be careful, several vicious and life threatening traps have been set up along the way.

Beth: (shocked) WHO would DO such a thing?!

Chris: (smirks) Um, me, duh. First one back wins invincibility. But Beth gets to shave thirty minutes off her final time for winning the first challenge. Everyone ready?

Courtney: (worried) Um, are there any riverbanks nearby? You can't expect me to push this tank forever.

Chris: Well when you put it that way, sure, if you like to get wet. (chuckles) See you all back at the film lot, (steps onto bus) and good luck. (Bus closes Chris in, drives away) (Contestants with their animals separate)

Owen: (smirks) (pulls out GPS) Hello, GPS. (snickers with bear)

* * *

(Confessional)

Owen: (proud) Sure, I failed to mess with the rest of the cast, (holds up GPS) but Chris still gave me this to help me get back to the lot for effort, which means a ticket to the final three.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Forest)

Beth: (to annoyed raccoon) I have an uncanny sense of direction. I'll have us back in camp in no time. (walks into a tree) Ow! (panics) Huh? Oh no! The path is gone! The woods are shrinking! We're trapped here forever! (hyperventilates) (raccoon face-palms)

Harold: (carrying chameleon on shoulder) (exhausted) Gosh. (to chameleon) Do you even know where the film lot is, little creature? (chameleon changes color, blends in forest, jumps off Harold's shoulder) Um, hello? (feels shoulder, notices chameleon missing) Huh? (looks around) Hey where'd you go?! (runs off searching for chameleon) Idiot! Get back here this instant! (steps on rope, catapult pops out from bushes throwing rock, rock hits Harold's stomach)

Harold: (groans in pain) (holds stomach) Gosh. Death traps, right. (falls over in pain)

* * *

(Riverbank)

Courtney: (lifts tank near riverbank, shark drops into river) (exhausted) Phew! Sometimes I wish I had picked the bear. But at least you're strong enough to hitch a ride for me on your back, right? (Shark shrugs, fiddles with PDA) (jumps onto shark's back, annoyed) Well, thanks, I guess. (Shark swims with Courtney across river) (stares at shark fiddling with PDA) (worried) Um... any chance I can have it back? (shark looks back at Courtney, annoyed) Please?!

* * *

(Confessional)

Courtney: (annoyed) That PDA is my rightful only contact with the outside world. With that shark hogging it, I'd be...on level ground with the others (serious) but that cannot happen. This girl plays to win!

(End confessional)

* * *

(Dark forest)

Beth: (to camera) (scared) So scared. All alone in the woods. (wolves howling in distance) (distressed) I don't want to die like this, not like this! (looks at raccoon) (raccoon points to path) (relieved) I knew that was there. I was just, uh...testing you.

* * *

(Riverbank)

Courtney: (desperate) (to shark) Okay look...give that back, and...I'll buy you a brand new deluxe PDA. (shark raises eyebrows) I can make it happen, seriously!

(Owen and bear pushing tree on top of river trail, closing line)

Courtney: (looks back, annoyed) What the? (shark alarmed at waterfall, shows Courtney) Huh? (falls off waterfall with shark, screaming) AAAAAAAHHHHHH!

* * *

(Forest)

Harold: (searching for chameleon) (desperate) Look, I'm sorry alright. Just show yourself so I can get back to the lot and get some sleep. You're my only hope! (Owen appears behind tree, plants trailer sign, retreats) (finds sign on tree) Huh? Could this be...the way back? (observes trap) Hmm. (walking up to trap) So long, idiot! (stomps on trap, trap collapses) (faking surprise) WHOA! Gosh, that was way too close! (runs off searching for chameleon)

Owen: (disappointed) Aw man, I was kind of expecting that. (shrugs) Oh well, still one down. (walks off, talking to bear) Now to find Beth, deal with her and head back to the movie lot. For dinner. (stomach rumbles) (to stomach) I hear that, buddy. (caught in net trap with bear) AAAAAHHHH! (disappointed) Aw, shoot! How are we gonna get down from here?! (sees berries on tree, grabs berry, smirks) (bear raises eyebrow)

* * *

(Confessional)

Owen: (proud) In my experience, there is no problem in the world that can't be solved by excessive eating.

(End confessional)

* * *

Owen: (to bear) We need to eat until our combined weight is enough to break the branch! (bear grabs berries) Hope you're hungry. (Owen and bear eating berries)

* * *

(Outside small cave)

Beth: (to raccoon) I don't think it's time for a break. (raccoon tosses treat in Beth's mouth) (happy) Okay, (crawling inside cave with raccoon) as long as we're quick. (sees furnished interior with other civilized raccoons) (surprised) WOW. (stands up) I had no idea you were so...civilized! (happy) (takes sandwich from other raccoon's platter) It's like you're our equal. (other raccoon scratches Beth's arm offended) OW! (worried) I mean you're superior.

Beth's raccoon: (at Ping-Pong table, calls out to Beth)

Beth: Okay. (happy) But after a gourmet dinner and a quick game of Ping-Pong, (walks to Ping-Pong table) we really should head back.

* * *

(Forest)

Harold: (calling out to chameleon) (exhausted) HERE CHAMELEON! HERE BOY! (distressed) I just want to get out of this place! (stomach rumbles) (groans) And I'm pretty hungry too.

* * *

(Owen and bear trapped in net eating berries) (net snaps, dropping Owen and bear to ground)

Owen: (grunts) (raises arms in victory) Ah, yes! Free at last! (Owen and bear's stomachs growl) (groans in sickness)

* * *

(Confessional)

Owen: (sick) I learned a lot today. One, never eat wild berries without knowing if they're poisonous. Two, explosive diarrhea is NOT a recommended outdoor activity. And three, you're gonna wanna stay out of those woods for a while. (farts) I mean a long while.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Chris waiting outside trailers) (Harold walks in exhausted)

Chris: Harold and his chameleon, nice one. (high-fives Harold) You were the first team to arrive. Good job bonding with your chameleon bro.

Harold: (confused) What are you talking abou- (Chris points to Harold's head, chameleon appears on top of Harold's head) (shocked) You mean...he's been here all along?! Gosh! (faints to the ground) (Chris confused, lightly kicks Harold's head)

Chris: (shrugs) Eh. He'll snap out of it. (looks at watch) Sure everyone else will be here any minute.

(Day passes)

* * *

(Inside cave) (Beth sleeping on chair, raccoon tries to wake Beth up)

Beth: (wakes up) (confused) Huh? (panics) OH MY GOSH! I OVERSLEPT! Come on, we got to run for it! (runs out of cave with raccoon)

* * *

(Outside trailers)

Chris: (with beard and messed up hair) (exhausted) Any...minute...now.

Harold: (wakes up) Gosh. Chris, it's been thirty two hours. Maybe we should send out a search party or-

Chris: (sees contestants) And here they come now! (runs off to freshen up)

(Owen walks in with bear, messed up with beard) (Courtney walks in shivering, pushing shark tank, shark shivering in fear from waterfall)

Harold: (worried) Courtney, you're shivering! You must be freezing from that lake, huh?

Courtney: (shivering) More like PDA withdrawal and the fact I had to carry the tank all the way to the waterfall, at the cost of my PDA, lost in the forest.

Beth: (runs in with raccoon panicking) AAAAAAHHHHH! (looks around) (gasps) OH NO! I'm too late! (hyperventilates)

Courtney: (slaps Beth, annoyed) Geez, lord of the flies much?

* * *

(Confessional)

Beth (with raccoon): (happy) Okay, so I didn't win invincibility for coming in late and got a little crazy about it. But at least the two of us work so well together because our friendship is based on mutual respect. (raccoon tosses treat in Beth's mouth) (wonders) Now what was I saying? (realizes) Oh, yes. Mutual respect. That's the key to any healthy relationship. (love-struck) Just like Harold and I have. (worried) Though I'm kind of beginning to miss Brady.

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: Welcome back cast. Better late than never. Harold and his chameleon buddy EASILY won the challenge, (smirks) which means... invincibility. So Harold gets a free pass to the final three.

Courtney: (angry) Harold?!

Beth: (applauses for Harold) YEAH!

Chris: The question is, who will join him in the final three, and who will be next to leave? There's only one place to find out at the (excited) most excited gilded Chris ceremony EVER!

* * *

(Courtney and Beth walking to trailers)

Courtney: You know you had it rough when THIS place starts to look good. (raccoon walks in with PDA in mouth) (snatches PDA from raccoon, annoyed) Give me that. Beth, how did your rat get its filthy paws on my PDA?

Beth: Mister Whiskers found it washed up on the shore this morning.

Courtney: (annoyed) You speak vermin now? And you named it Mister Whiskers? Ugh, why doesn't any of that surprise me? (sees alert on PDA) (deadpan) Oh, a message from my lawyers. Wonder what those bloodsuckers want now. (presses PDA, sees message, shocked)

Beth: (walks over and sees message) (turns to Owen) (angry) So Harold was right all about him!

Courtney: (turns to Owen) (angry) Cheater! (walks to Owen and bear with Beth)

Beth: (angry) I trusted you!

Owen: (hiding behind bear) (worried) Did I accidentally toot?

* * *

(Confessional)

Owen: (relieved) Aw. I'm actually glad that they found out I'm the producers' mole. (happy) Now I can go back to being myself! (worried) Although on the way here, I short-sheeted Beth's bed, cleaned a toilet with Duncan's toothbrush, and filled the salt shakers with onion powder. (shrugs) What can I say? It's hard to quit cold turkey. (disappointed) But man, I should've known Harold would be onto me! (wonders) I wonder if I can still vote him off.

(End confessional)

* * *

Courtney: (to Owen behind bear) (angry) You can't hide behind that bear forever!

Beth: (angry) Yeah! Feeling guilty about something?!

Bear: (roars at Beth and Courtney)

Beth and Courtney: (gasp in fear)

Owen: (worried) You underestimate me and my cowardice. (farting nervously)

Courtney: (disgusted) Ugh! (coughs)

Beth: (disgusted) Gross! Sorry we asked!

(Beth and Courtney retreat)

* * *

(Harold sleeping in trailer, Beth walks in)

Harold: (exhausted) Gosh, what's going on?

Beth: (happy) Turns out you were right about Owen, Harold. Sorry I ever doubted you.

Harold: (shocked) Oh. (happy) Well, I'm just glad he couldn't sabotage me today.

Beth: (happy) Yeah. And I was thinking of you returning the favor, say at this elimination, (whispers in Harold's ear) (Harold surprised, but nods in approval) (stern) Now, where's my kiss? You promised me we'd make-out every three hours.

Harold: (worried) Oh, um, I-I don't have the time? Sorry.

Beth: (deadpan) Okay, then we'll do it after the ceremony. (kisses Harold on cheek) (leaves trailer) (love-struck) See you there, boyfriend!

Harold: (dismayed) (groans) (falls out of bed)

* * *

(Gilded Chris ceremony)

Chris: This is a big one cast. Harold is safe from elimination, which means the rest of you are fair game. So, sharpen those claws and cast your votes. Someone is going home for the last time.

Beth: (angry) Owen betrayed us... (smirks) but Courtney's the bigger threat! (Votes)

Owen: I like Beth, but Harold and Courtney eat less. More for me! (votes)

Courtney: (angry) See you never, traitor! (votes)

Harold: (sleeping, wakes up) Huh? (votes)

Chris: The Gilded Chris goes to... Harold, and... Courtney! (Beth and Owen shocked) Beth, since Owen and Harold both voted for you, it's time for your ride home! (serious) Oh, and Owen, I'll deal with you in a moment.

Beth: (shocked) WHAT?! (angry) Harold voted for ME?! UGH! (Tosses away her voting device)

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: (deadpan) Sure, Owen's popularity's in the toilet, but Beth's been a huge pain lately. I can't have her dragging me down. But the real reason? Leshawna's the only one for me, and Beth is getting too clingy up here. And people call me psycho.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Beth in the Lame-o-sine)

Beth: (to Harold, distressed) How could you do this to me? After everything?! We are so DONE! (Chef closes the door)

(Harold and Courtney look at each other, confused)

Owen: (dragged to the Lame-O-Sine by Chris) (nervous) Uh, Chris? I think you forgot to give me my Gilded Chris Award.

Chris: (uncaring) Sorry, Owen. You've been fired.

Owen: (shocked) But... (whining) whyyyy?!

Chris: (pushes Owen into the Lame-O-Sine) (Beth complaining inside Lame-o-sine) (annoyed) What's the point of having a spy who's been spied? (The Lame-O-Sine drives away) (runs to Courtney and Harold, arms on shoulders) Courtney! Harold! The final two! (Courtney and Harold grin in victory) One of you will become a millionaire, and the other... will not! (Courtney and Harold glare at Chris) (pushes them aside) Tune in for our most controversial episode ever of TOTAL! DRAMA! ACTION!

* * *

(Lame-o-sine: Beth and Owen)

Beth: (sulking) Better be Harold who wins. (serious) He made a solemn boyfriend promise, and I'm taking half of his million bucks! (angry) And Courtney should've been kicked off, not ME! (worried) (to Owen) Was that a little mean?

Owen: (sad) I don't know anymore. But it kind of looks like you and Harold weren't meant to be, I mean he did vote you off, right?

Beth: (sad) Oh. I guess you're right. (happy) Well at least I still have Brady to look forward to! Harold and I are so over!

Owen: (stomach rumbles) (worried) Uh oh. Um, I think a big one is coming out! (farting)

Beth: (horrified) (banging on window) Nooooooooo!


	3. Mutiny on the Soundstage

Mutiny on the Soundstage

**Total Drama Action comes to a close as the final two (Courtney and Harold)**** compete in a pirate themed challenge****. However, total chaos breaks loose as Chris and Chef ****start a fight that threatens their partnership****. The final two are pushed through a treasure hunt of knowledge and endure all the elimination challenges ****in addition to the disaster one****, due to Chris's choice****. As Courtney and Harold team up to race to the end, an unexpected tie happens at the Aftermath studio.**

* * *

(Recap)

Chris: Last time on Total Drama Action, an all night heart to heart led to Beth and Harold starting a new beautiful nerdy relationship, at least that's what Beth thinks. And lovebirds weren't the only animals on set as the cast were each paired up with an animal buddy to train in their image. While some bonded with their animals, others butted fins. In the end, Harold won invincibility, sent Beth packing, and a timely message outed Owen as the mole, earning him a seat in the lame-o-sine, which brings us to the final two. (shrugs) Who would've guessed? And who'll be taking home our grand prize of, one million dollars? Find out right now on Total, Drama, Action!

* * *

(Inside boys' trailer)

Harold: (proud) Gosh, I never thought I'd be the last boy left on Total Drama Action! Yep, now it's just me (nervous)...all alone... (looks around to see no one) in the scary trailer... (scared) Man, I miss all the guys, even Owen the traitor! (teeth chatter)

(Inside girls' trailer)

Courtney: (sleeping) (hears Harold chattering) (wakes up, startled) Ah! (annoyed) Oh, it's Harold chattering again! (smirks) And with a face like that, I'd be scared too, right girls? (looks around to see no one) (frowns) Right... no losers left to laugh at for my soon to be victory. (lies back on bed, proud) But the good news is there's also no one left to reek up the trailer with gross dental hygiene, nobody to wake me up with screaming night terrors, "Mommy, mommy!" And nobody with any chance of taking my guaranteed million away. (still hears Harold chattering, annoyed) (calls to Harold) PUT A BLINDFOLD ON, LOSER! Ugh, I'm never going to get some sleep. (canister drops from roof, falls to ground spraying gas) (startled) What the?! (gas reaches to Courtney's face) (Courtney passes out)

Harold: (scared) (calls to Courtney) DID YOU SAY SOMETHING, COURTNEY?! (sees canister thrown to ground, spraying gas at Harold) (Harold passes out)

* * *

(Courtney and Harold tied up to ship's pole, sleeping)

Harold: (wakes up) (confused) Um, Courtney? Courtney?!

Courtney: (sleeping) Yes mother, I'll be right down!

Harold: (struggles with rope) Ugh. COURTNEY! (Courtney wakes up) I think we've been shanghaied. And do you know the word shanghai originated from the name of the largest city in China? It refers to the practice of kidnapping people to serve as sailors by coercive techniques such as trickery, intimidation, and violence.

Courtney: (ignoring Harold, struggles with rope, annoyed) Um, what is this, some kind of justified union?

Harold: (happy) Hold on, I think I have a plan. And it's going to help make sure one of us win the million dollars.

Courtney: (annoyed) Yeah? And all I'M planning is to make sure that the "one of us" is me!

Harold: (happy) But we can work together, like a pretty great team!

Courtney: (annoyed) Um, a great team? Puh-lease!

Harold: It's worth a shot. Trust me, reach over to untie me and I'll undo yours.

Courtney: (sarcastically) Oh sure, and then you try to ditch me here and get a head start? (serious) And cheat like you did last season? I am SO NOT paying for another lawsuit of wrongful termination of competition.

Harold: I don't have anything against you, and I REALLY am sorry for last season. (proud) Besides, in fact, you could say I'm basically everybody's friend.

Courtney: (scoffs) (smirks) Really? Even Heather? And Duncan always said you made him feel like-

Harold: (serious) Look, are you going to untie me or not?

Courtney: (annoyed) Ugh, whatever. Scoot over.

* * *

(Confessional)

Courtney: (proud) When I was younger, mother insisted on sending me to the Salem County camp. We had to wear those gross vests and sell apples, but all the knot tying lessons meant I'm pretty much an expert at the tying and untying process. Came in handy a bunch of ways that I don't think mother had in mind.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Harold unties Courtney)

Chef: (rolls in catering) Breakfast anyone?

Courtney: (deadpan) And what's today's delicious special? Roast lab rat? (Chef opens plate) Spaghetti with slime balls?

Harold: (shocked) Courtney, you better look at this. (Courtney looks at delicious meal, surprised)

Courtney: (excited) Wait Chef, is that really food?!

Chef: Fresh fruit to ward off scurvy. And hot flapjacks to prevent, uh lice or whatever. All prepared according to (points to himself) my highest personal standards.

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: (happy) Whoa, Chef in a good mood? That's like Heather sincerely apologizing to everyone! You have to take advantage of it while it's happening.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Harold and Courtney happily eating breakfast) (Chris drops rope above finalists, slides down)

Chris: (pirate voice) Yar, Mateys! Me parrot Chris Junior Junior Junior and I wanted to congratulate ye landlubbers fer makin' it to the final two. And, as ye can probably tell, today be... space zombies movie day! (Courtney and Harold stare at him confused) (normal) It's actually pirate movie day! And you're on the deck for a swashbuckling obstacle course followed by a treasure hunt through the entire season's challenges. (to Harold) And if you want to claim your million dollar booty, you might want to rethink that all for one, one for all (pokes Harold's nose) approach.

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: (shrugs) Well, I guess somebody HAS to win, right? (proud) I guess it might as well be me. (ponders) Though to be a nice boyfriend, I could share the money with my luscious Leshawna or with one of my potential girlfriends if we don't work out. (worried) Except Beth though. Leshawna already likes me heaps, but I suppose a million dollars never hurt a guy's awesomeness.

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: (handing out cotton swabs to Courtney and Harold) Obstacle number one, (sasquatch and bear enter bathrooms) swab the poop deck. (sasquatch and bear farting) (Courtney and Harold disgusted) (sasquatch and bear exit bathrooms) (bear lights match, match fades, bear walks off) Obstacle number two, pun intended, grab a flag, shimmy up the greased mast, (Chef greasing up pole) and fly your jelly roger. And finally, a cannonball. The target is the monster chomped movie set. Ready, set, aaaand...go! (fires gun) (Courtney and Harold run to bathrooms)

Courtney and Harold: (come out of bathrooms, disgusted) Gah!

Harold: (disgusted) Gosh! My nostrils are burning. (Harold and Courtney go back in bathrooms)

Chris: (to Chef) I get it. The food's laced with laxatives right? (thumbs up) Nice.

Chef: (serious) Nope, just goin' out in style!

Chris: (confused) Going out? What do you mean?

Chef: (pulls out paintbrush) That's the last meal I'm ever gonna serve on this two-bit show. Got me a gig chefing on a swanky cruise ship. So you can kiss my behind goodbye.

Chris: (sarcastically) Yeah yeah. And I got a job hosting the Oscars. Very funny.

Chef: (smacks paintbrush dripping with oil against Chris' head) (serious) Who's laughing?

Harold: (disgusted) Gosh, (Courtney comes out disgusted) I'm totally going to puke.

Courtney: (annoyed) Yeah? Well I'm not cleaning yours up! (calls out) More swabs over here! (Chris throws cotton swabs at Courtney) (Courtney goes back inside)

Chris: If our contestants think they had it rough, the people on Chef's fancy cruise ship will have to suffer through his slop (turns to Chef) with NO chance of winning a million.

Chef: (up in Chris's face) (stern) I don't think you want to keep going there.

(Harold comes out, disgusted) (Courtney walks out smirking in victory)

Chris: Looks like Courtney will be the first to finish the deck.

Harold: (desperate) Courtney? Team up with me? Please?

Courtney: (smug) Hah! (grabs flag) As if! (sasquatch runs past Chris and Courtney back to bathroom)

Chris: Looks like bigfoot's not done yet. (sasquatch farting inside, comes out) Which means Courtney (hands cotton swabs to Courtney) isn't either.

Courtney: (walks to bathroom, frustrated) Oh, come on! Seriously?! (pulls out PDA) That's it, time to call my lawyers on this unfair conduct! (sees message) (angry) WHAT?! On a vacation for three weeks?! I'm not paying them to take personal time! (Harold runs out of bathroom) (desperate) HAROLD! I changed my mind! Teammates?

Harold: (sarcastically) Oh I'm sorry, teammates works both ways. It's one of the rules of kindness to others.

Courtney: (serious) Fine, hope you're ready then Harold, because the gloves are coming off. (breathes in deeply, holds in breath, goes inside bathroom)

* * *

(Confessional)

Harold: Okay, so maybe that wasn't an honorable thing I did, and I've dishonored myself and all. (shrugs) But hey, she asked for this. Let's just say I have a cutthroat cochlea, cochlea meaning the auditory portion of the inner ear.

(End confessional)

* * *

(Harold struggling to climb up greased mast carrying flag, falls off three times)

Courtney: (carrying flag) (smirks) Too bad nobody's around to HELP you.

Harold: (desperate) Courtney, I-

Courtney: Save it. Besides, did you really think I'm going to fall for your "honorable" nice guy routine again? Fat chance, (walks to greased mast) later loser. (easily climbs up greased mast, ties flag on top) (raises arms in victory) YES!

Chris: (denial) You can't bail! We're a team!

Chef: (uncaring) I fly solo. I'm a maverick.

Chris: (smirks) Dude, without this job, you'd still be selling street meat outside the bus station.

Chef: (walks off growling and glaring at Chris)

Harold: (struggling to climb up greased mast carrying flag) (Courtney jumps down on Harold) (crashes through ship's deck, Courtney lands safely)

Courtney: (smirks) HAH! Courtney two, Harold zero. (runs off to cannon, Harold climbs out of hole)

Chef: (waiting at cannons, whistling) (Courtney arrives) Ever fired an air cannon before?

Courtney: (worried) Well, not this particular model.

Chef: (pointing to building) If you're gonna hit that target, it's gonna take a whoooolle lot of air. (points to pump connected to cannon)

Courtney: (sighs in annoyance) (pumping air into cannon) (suspiciously) Hmmm, something's missing. (turns to Chef) (annoyed) What, no (mocking) "You pump like my grandma, maggot!"? (Chef glares at Courtney) (worried) Seriously, Chef... are you feeling okay?

Chef: (angry) After a whole season of your boyfriend giving me lip, NOW you want to know if I'm okay?!

(Pump gauge full)

Courtney: (raises arms in victory) It's primed up!

Chris: (walks up to Courtney, smirking) Get in.

Courtney: (worried) Seriously?

Chris: Buckle up, cannonball! (turns to Chef) (annoyed) You gonna fire the cannon or are you just gonna stand there and be useless?

Chef: (angry) N-Now you see that?! That attitude is why I'm out of here. I've had it with watching you do your bogus job and get all the glory while I'm stuck with all the grunt work!

Chris: (irritated) Hosting is way harder than what YOU do. I dare you to try it sometimes.

Chef: (angry) Fine, (up in Chris's face) let's go!

Chris: (up in Chef's face) (angry) Fine, be my guest.

Courtney: (inside cannon wearing goggles and helmet) (annoyed) Um, hello! Trying to win a million bucks over here!

Chris: (annoyed) Okay? (pulls out remote, about to push button) (hands remote to Chef) (Chef pushes button and fires Courtney)

Courtney: (flying through air, screaming)

Chef: (smug) Piece of cake, just like the rest of your job.

Chris: (up in Chef's face) (angry) Oh, you'll see.

Harold: (calling out) Guys.

Chef: (smug) I'll see what, How easy it is?

Harold: Guys!

Chris: (angry) Have you even ever read a cue card?! (Chris and Chef growl at each other)

Harold: GUUYYS!

Chris and Chef: (angry) WHAT?! (sees Harold standing on top of mast, flag tied above Courtney's)

Harold: (proud) I did it! Yes! I rock! (slips off mast and falls down) WHOOOAAA! (crashes through ship's deck)

Chef: (walks to Harold) (disappointed) Sorry boy, I'm gonna have to leave you in the hands of mister personality (points to Chris) here (Chris glares at Chef) and get on with my super easy hosting duties.

Chris: (annoyed) I am totally capable of shooting a nerd guy out of a cannon on my OWN, thank you.

Chef: (annoyed) Guess we'll see. (walks off)

Chris: (annoyed) Aren't you forgetting something? It's about that tiiime (Chef stops confused) when people might go to the friiidge or change channels and not come baack?

Chef: (turns to audience) (clears throat) Who will win the million bucks? Who will not? Do not touch that clicker, we will find out right after this. (serious) I SAID GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT CLICKER!

* * *

Courtney: (flying into city) CANNONBAAAALL! (falls to ground, rebounds on buttocks, rubs head) (looks around) Okay, so what am I supposed to- (sees Chef on helicopter ladder)

Chef: I'm coming, (jumps off ladder) keep your panties on. (reading from cue card) (faking impressed) Sweet landing, girl. I'm your RIGHTEOUS new host, uh, (turns to audience) Chef.

Courtney: (annoyed) Can we get on with this so I can collect my million?

Chef: (turns to Courtney) (annoyed) Work with me here, kid. (clears throat) (reading from cue card) The rest of today's challenge is a g'narl- uh, gnarly treasure hunt.

Courtney: (impatient) Yeah, I heard, through all the challenges, Chris already told us.

Chef: (smug) Oh, and did your ex-host tell you that if you correctly answer a trivia question, you skip the challenge and move on to the next one?

Courtney: (proud) This will be easy, go for it.

Chef: (annoyed) Okay, uh sister. (reads from cue card) Who got the space boot after the alien movie challenge?

Courtney: (proud) Easy, Bridgette and Geoff, they made out like nonstop. (about to leave)

Chef: Follow (Courtney pauses) up question! Where was the weirdest place those lovebirds ever made out?

Courtney: (worried) What?! How am I supposed to know that?

Chef: (smirks) Bridgette talked about it like, nonstop.

Courtney: (distressed) I-I don't know! I mean, Bridgette's good enough for me to tolerate, but I'm not some confidant to her!

Chef: (reading from cue card) Too bad then, TIME to get it on with the alien.

Courtney: (annoyed) Ugh, fine, I've seen the losers beat it before so this shouldn't be difficult.

Chef: Maybe, but in the spirit of Bridgette and Geoff, you got to mack on the space creature.

Monster: (drools on Courtney's head, growling)

Courtney: (turns to see monster, gasps in shock)

Chef: (to radio) Let's make this grope fest nice and slobbery. Don't be shy now. (intern nods)

Monster: (carrying Courtney, roars loudly) (Courtney glares at monster, puckers lips, kisses confused monster) (drops Courtney to ground love-struck)

Courtney: (on ground, disgusted) Ugh, I'd rather kiss Harold!

* * *

Harold: (climbs out deck, sees Chris cutting onion and crying) (worried) Chris, you feeling okay?

Chris: (denial) Nothing, stupid Chef's doing my job so I'm doing his stupid job.

Harold: Gosh, did you two get into a quarrel or something?

Chris: (irritated) None of your beeswax! Courtney has a HUGE lead and you've got an air cannon to pump, go!

* * *

(Film set)

Chef: Who was left on the editing floor after the make a movie challenge? And follow up, what was she reincarnated from?

Courtney: (distressed) Izzy! And she's such a weirdo she could be anything! But I doubt reincarnation even exists.

Chef: (serious) BAAAH! No part marks, sissy. (calls out, annoyed) Could I stop with this "sister" stuff (throws away cue card) already?!

Courtney: (proud) So I just haul the filmmaking equipment up the hill just like last time? Seen it, easier said than done.

Chef: (up to Courtney) But you haven't done squat! This time, you got to haul the hill up the hill. (pulls out shovel) So get to it, barrow girl.

Courtney: (grabs shovel, irritated growl)

* * *

Harold: (inside cannon, adjusting goggles) (to Chris) Okay Chris, fire away, I seriously need to catch up!

Chris: (wipes eyes) Darn these salty trade winds.

Harold: (worried) Onions still bugging you?

Chris: (sad) Chef's leaving the sho-o-ow. (crying)

Harold: Well, what did you expect? Obviously, it was extremely hard for him toiling away in the kitchen all day by himself. Maybe you should give him more attention, Chef would like that if you did.

Chris: (crying) Really?

Harold: Yeah, have you tried treating him with kindness? Works with me sometimes.

Chris: (touched, wipes tears, smiles) (launches Harold from cannon)

Harold: (flying through air, screaming) (lands into water) (resurfaces)

Chris: Should've pumped your cannon more!

Harold: (calling out to Chris) (annoyed) THANK YOU MISTER OBVIOUS!

* * *

(Western set)

Chef: Sorry girl, since you cannot tell me where transphobia came from... (horse on diving board farts)

Courtney: (annoyed) Let me guess, this time the horse lands on me? (Chef nods) (puts on saddle) Ugh, fine. (down on knees) Let's get it over with. (Chef hears Harold flying to city set, screaming)

(Harold lands on buttocks, bouncing)

Chef: (runs to Harold) Your question-

Harold: (worried) I have to answer a question?

Chef: (irritated) I am NOT reading all these stupid cue cards again. Just tell me, who were voted off first and why?

Harold: Uh, Geoff and Bridgette.

Chef: (reading from cue card) And where was the weirdest place they ever-

Harold: (happy) Made out? Oh that's easy. As I recall, Bridgette used to tell this crazy story.

(Flashback begins in Chris's private quarters)

Chris: (stretches arms) Ah, privacy. (opens shirt) Time to catch some sweet artificial rays. (opens up tanning machine, finds Bridgette and Geoff inside making out) (gasps in shock) My Tan-O-Matic 3000! It's been tainted!

Bridgette: (stops kissing) (nervous) Uh, it sure... smells nice in here.

Geoff: L-L-Like coconuts. (Chris cringes annoyed)

* * *

(Prison set)

Courtney: (irritated) Okay, so the only thing I remember about boyfriend kiss-up Gwen is her lizards being named Angus and Vampyra, but I'm supposed to know her favorite band, what car she wants, AND what guitar her brother has?! WHO CARES?!

Chef: (panting in exhaustion) BAAAH! (points to obstacle course)

Courtney: (worried) Uh... let me guess, release the hounds?

Chef: (smirks) And they can smell blood.

Courtney: (scared) (gulps) (runs to obstacle course)

Chef: (sighs in dismay) (runs off to Harold)

* * *

(Western set)

Harold: And then the mime sneaked up on Trent in the crowd which is completely prejudiced because mimes are really good at sneaking up on people even when they're inside a box unseen to the naked eye. But then the surprising scare had Trent pee his pants in front of the crowd. Correct?

Chef: (panting exhausted) Yep... that's right.

Harold: (smirks) (pumps arm in victory) Yes! (runs off to another set) (Chef runs off to Courtney)

* * *

(Film lot)

Courtney: (distressed) Uh, uh, I don't know. D.J likes...rabbits?

Chef: Wrong!

Courtney: (worried) Well um, horror movies usually don't scare me so uh, (proud) BRING IT ON!

Chef: (smirks) Now playing... the miracle, of (turns on film projector) childbirth.

Courtney: (watching film, frowning curiously) (pupils shrink) (scared) AAAAAAHHH!

* * *

(Prison set)

Harold: (waiting for Chef) Chef?!

Chef: (runs up to Harold) (exhausted) Damn! (annoyed) I'm doing the job of two people here! I haven't run this much since basic training.

Harold: (proud) Gwen's favorite band is the Gottlieb Mind Explosion, she wants a '67 Mustang, and her brother has a Gibson Les Paul guitar. Now what?

Chef: (gasps in surprise) (nervous) Sooo, heh, did all you guys miss Gwen when she got the boot?

Harold: (ponders) Hmm, not really, though well... (Chef sits down, listening curiously) I would count her as a potential girlfriend if Leshawna and I don't work out. But then again, like I said, I would have to break a shovel over her head or maybe-

* * *

(War challenge set)

Courtney: (running through exploding minefield blindfolded) (panics) The mines are buried, the blindfold is redundant! Redundant! (mine explodes, sending her flying across ground)

* * *

(Prison set, Chef listening curiously to Harold)

Harold: And just before Duncan got his dislocation fixed, he made it worse riding his motorcycle. I'm not even supposed to know that.

Chef: (curious) Was he as bullheaded rebellious as his extremely lame self?

Harold: (amused) Well, one time, I was inside the bathroom stalls (Chris watching from behind building, curious) when he snuck in to eat some tainted ice cream-

* * *

(Basketball court set)

(Courtney, carrying basketball determined, flying over bear trying to swipe her, slams basketball into basket)

(Badminton set)

(Courtney aggressively playing badminton with bear)

(Boxing ring set)

(Courtney beating up bear with marshmallow gloves)

(Courtney in swimsuit running from bear, narrowly avoiding towel whips)

* * *

(Prison set)

Harold: (ponders) But that wasn't even the biggest thing Owen pulled out of his nasal cavity from that Christmas Day. Is that enough of an answer? (worried) Chef? (sees Chef sleeping)

Chris: (walks in) (annoyed) What kind of a host are you?

Chef: (wakes up surprised) I'm awake!

Chris: (smirks) Chef's stalling has dug a deep hole for Harold. Courtney's got a five challenge lead.

Harold: (shocked) Stalling? (annoyed) (to Chef) You mean I didn't have to answer all those follow up questions?!

Chris: Run, Harold! (Harold runs off) Run like the wind! (turns to audience) It's still anybody's game folks! Start biting those nails now! (to Chef brushing off dirt) (annoyed) As host, it's your job to ramble on, not make the contestants ramble on. Look, how about I follow Harold, and you catch up to Courtney?

Chef: (annoyed) Fine, but not because (walks away) I NEED any help.

* * *

(War set)

Harold: (to Chris) Izzy, I mean, Kaleidoscope thought she was eighty seven years old AND the reincarnation of her own grandmother. (Chris nods, impressed)

* * *

(Bank set)

Harold: (happy) Owen the traitor actually has one hundred thirty-nine favorite foods. (proud) In alphabetical order, there's Alaskan king crab, American cheese, (Chris shocked) apples, apple cobbler, apple crisps, apple pie...

* * *

(Fairy tale set)

Courtney: (carrying Chef wearing dress across a bridge, straining) (annoyed) I don't know whose wedding Justin cried at! What kind of girly man cries at a wedding anyway?! (nearly falls over)

Chef: Whoa! (angry) Drop me, and you're dead meat.

* * *

(Boxing ring set)

Harold: (proud) (imitating sheep) Baa, baa! (Chris impressed)

* * *

(Vomit comet)

Courtney: (gasps in shock) No, no, no, no-

* * *

(Film lot)

Harold: (happy) Wilco for boom boom! (fist bumps impressed Chris)

* * *

(Vomit comet spinning)

Courtney: (inside vomit comet) AAAAAAHHHH!

* * *

(Fairy tale set)

Harold: (proud) His own aunt, Lady Mimi Cici Didi Laduda! (Chris impressed, allows Harold to pass, Harold runs by Chris)

* * *

(Vomit comet)

(Chef opens vomit comet)

Courtney: (shivering) (vomits)

Chef: (worried) (groans)

* * *

(Chef wiping vomit off shoes)

Chris: (walks up with Harold) Where's Courtney? (Chef points) (walks to Courtney)

Chef: The space movie victim question is-

Harold: I know. Beth won that challenge and then she... (cringes in disgust) kissed me.

Chef: (annoyed) Fine, you can go on.

Harold: You know something? Chris told me if you left the show, he will miss you, a lot.

Chef: (shocked) Really? He said that?

Harold: (happy) Yes, he seriously cares about you a whole lot, like he looks up to you as an idol, wish me luck! (walks off) (Chef smiles, touched)

* * *

(Courtney at final challenge)

Chris: (impressed) Ooh, look at this (Harold runs in) suspenseful outcome. (pulls out cue card) The next question could determine who climbs the golden ladder to glory town, and who slides down the stinky slide to loserville. All right, who was voted off after the outer space challenge?

Courtney and Harold: Duncan.

* * *

(Confessional)

Courtney: (annoyed) Finally! I may not have been able to file away everybody's ridiculous details all the time, but I do know a thing or two about Duncan... (love struck) because he insisted.

(Confessional)

Harold: (frustrated) Great. The ONE person I didn't like enough to learn everything about!

(End confessional)

* * *

Chris: What's the name of the children's camp Duncan went to?

Harold: (angry) Who cares?! He shouldn't have been here in the first place! I mean, all the times he caused trouble for everybody, including the way he dissed Leshawna? That's totally unstandardized, dishonorable and WAY out of line! And in conclusion, it proves Duncan is barely even a human being! (covers mouth embarrassed)

Chris: Wow, Harold. Interesting. But that wasn't the question.

Courtney: (proud) Duncan's childhood camp was the Muskrat Boys! Later, losers! (walks off)

Chris: Hold it sister. (Courtney stops) That was Harold's question. (Courtney shocked) Your question, what color is Duncan thinking of?

Courtney: (nervous) As in, right now?! Are you serious?! I don't know, uh... burnt sienna?

(Cut to Duncan watching from the Aftermath studio)

Duncan: (frustrated) Green! It's simple! Ugh, it's like she doesn't know anything about me.

Chris: Tough luck, you both have to do the last challenge.

Harold: (shrugs) Shouldn't be too hard, after all I did win the animal buddy challenge.

Courtney: (annoyed) It should've been me winning that one, but at least it wasn't really as dangerous as I thought.

Chris: (annoyed) Right, and that's bor-ing. (smirks) So that's why instead I'm bringing back (excited) the shakingest, the quakingest, the bone mashingest, face bashingest challenge of all! The disaster movie earthquake challenge!

(Courtney and Harold shocked)

* * *

(Disaster challenge)

Chris: This sucker tossed the mighty Owen around like a rag doll. (Courtney and Harold dismayed) (holds up switch) Contestants ready? Good luck suckers! (chuckles)

Harold: (worried) (to worried Courtney) Just stay low and try not to pee your pants. (happy) And whether or not you win or anything, I'm glad one of us is going to.

Courtney: (touched) Well, to be honest, I surprisingly am for you too.

Chris: (pushes button on switch) Action! (disaster set activates)

(Courtney and Harold race up the set)

Chris: (shooting golf balls at finalists, laughing)

(Courtney and Harold dodge golf balls) (Chris loads tools into machine, shoots tools at finalists)

Courtney: (stops running) (rubs head) (calls out) HEY MCLEAN! YOU THROW LIKE A GIRL!

Harold: (stops running) (smirks) (calls out) Yeah! A five-year-old girl! (Chris glares at finalists, gritting teeth)

(Chris at slingshot, shoots toilet at finalists, smirking) (Courtney and Harold notice toilet)

Courtney: (panics) (to Harold) Quick, get down! (tackles Harold down to ground) (Courtney and Harold dodges toilet) (annoyed) There, okay? We're working together like a team, happy? We're even.

Harold: (happy) Glad to hear that. (notices sink launched at them) (gasps) (runs up set) RUUUUN! (pulls Courtney out of the way)

Chef: (arrives driving carrying safe) (serious) It made me think of you.

Chris: (shocked) Really?

Chef: Want a hand?

(Chris and Chef pulling safe in giant slingshot)

Chris: (to Chef) (smiling) The way you torture the kids... you're a natural, you know that? Knocking them down, bruising them up, killing their spirits! Nobody can do it quite like you, pal.

Chef: (touched) You really mean that?

Chris: If you really want to leave the show, it's cool. Good luck.

Chef: (ponders) (shrugs) Nah, I couldn't leave you all alone like that. (smiles) You'd be terrible on your own. You're not that good.

Chris: Soooo, you'll stay?

Chef: (serious) After I get a raise, and a vacation!

Chris: Deal!

Chef: Then let's finish these suckers off! (launches safe)

(Courtney and Harold climbing across monkey bars, notices safe launched at them) (safe passes by Harold, smashes into Courtney)

Courtney: AAAHHH! (falls off monkey bars, slowly dragged down into pit below monkey bars)

Harold: (horrified) COURTNEY!

Courtney: (struggles to not fall in pit) (Harold finishes monkey bars, struggling to pull Courtney out from pit) (sad) It's no use! Forget about it Harold! Go on and win without me!

Harold: (sees zip line) (determined) (pulls Courtney out from pit)

Courtney: (shocked) Harold, you saved me! After all I've acted towards everyone this season, you would still help me?

Harold: (proud) Yes, if nice guys won't finish first, they help their fellow competition, in honor! Now let's go tie for first place! (Courtney smiles impressed)

* * *

(Courtney and Harold at zip line)

Courtney: (holding onto Harold, smiling) You know, if you weren't so vile, I'd kiss you.

Harold: (holding onto zip line, smiles back) That's okay, I have a girlfriend, and it's definitely Leshawna. (rides down) TO VICTORYYYYY!

(Courtney and Harold crashes into studio, stands to see finish line at door ahead, turns to each other, nodding proudly)

* * *

(Courtney and Harold racing to door)

(Aftermath studio)

Bridgette and Geoff: And the winner is...

(Contestants look on in excitement)

(Courtney and Harold come in at the same time)

Bridgette: (shocked) It's a... tie?

Geoff: (confused) So, um, what exactly are we gonna do about the million dollars?

(Contestants and audience shocked and angry about the results)

(Courtney and Harold look on in shock, turn to each other worried)

To Be Continued...


	4. The Aftermath: IV (with both endings)

The Aftermath: IV

**Total Drama Action finally reaches its epic conclusion... with a tie between Courtney and Harold****? Chris and Chef**** are missing, and a winner has yet to be decided. As tensions rise, Courtney and Harold**** attempt to find a way to break the tie**** and eventually are asked various questions by the eliminated ****contestants (except Duncan), who then vote for the winner. In the end, one finalist**** is declared the winner, receives the money****, and reunites with their lover****, while the loser ****goes home with a "consolation prize****."**

* * *

(Recap)

Geoff: (confused) What? Me? I'm supposed to read that? Heh, okay. (proud) Last time on Total Drama Action, our timbers got SERIOUSLY shivered as Harold and Courtney suffered through the final pirate movie challenge. Whoa-ho-ho dudes, looks like that was a blast. They followed that up with a crazy run through every crazy challenge from the whole entire season. And even though Courtney had a MASSIVE lead, Harold caught up fast, earning bonus time as the guy who knows everything about everybody. Our heroes were running neck and neck until a final act of kindness led to a tie. One tie, two competitors, who's gonna win it? Find out right here, and right now on Total, Drama, Action.

* * *

Audience: (gasp in shock) (peanut gallery worried) (Courtney and Harold glare impatiently)

Geoff: (to Bridgette) (whispering) What do we do now?

Courtney: (annoyed) Can somebody please tell me there is a plan here?!

Geoff: (happy) No! (arm around Bridgette) But since we're all here together one last time, let's party! (cheers)

Bridgette: (chuckles) Geoff and I cut together some sweet footage of everybody from the whole season.

Courtney: (annoyed) What the-

Harold: (annoyed) But what about-

Geoff: Don't get your shorts in a knot, there's plenty of time to pick a winner. Roll clip! (screen shows season 2 montage)

* * *

(Airport) (Chris and Chef walking to line)

Chris: (happy) Alright, Sunset Beach, here we come. That was one heck of a long season, if I do say so myself. I've earned this "vacay" big tiiiime.

Chef: Uh-huh.

Male tourist: Hey! Aren't you Chris McLean?!

Chris: (takes off sunglasses) Busted. You know, I try to keep my I.D a secret when I travel, but looks like (proud) these are hard to hide. (flashes smile) (Chef rolls eyes)

Female tourist: (excited) Chris, can I have your autograph?

Chris: (smirks) Nope, (walks past tourists) but you can let us bud to the front of the line!

Flight attendant: (excited) (squeals) (gasps)

Chris: Now you, you can have my autograph, (picks up pen) fine looking lady. (flight attendant faints in excitement) (Chef shakes head annoyed, turns to see Courtney and Harold on television)

(Aftermath studio)

Bridgette: Um... hey, you guys! Why don't you come and join us in the winner's... seat?

Harold: (annoyed) There's only one chair.

Geoff: (chuckles) Yep! (Courtney and Harold walk up to chair, struggling to sit)

Courtney: (annoyed) Ugh, you think we could at least get another seat?

Geoff: Since Chris took off on "vacay," we've prepared some never-before-seen clips.

Bridgette: We think these will help our audience see the real Chris McLean.

Geoff: We're gonna play them later in the show for y'all, but here's a little preview to get (points to audience) you interested.

* * *

(Clip shows)

Chris: (singing off-key in shower) I stand against the wall... waiting for you to ask me to dance... my heart is in your hand! Oooh, oooh, oooh! (shower curtain opens) (shocked) (covers himself, shrieking)

(Airport)

Chef: (smirks) Uh, Chris?

Chris: (proud) Shush, I'm scoring us an upgrade.

(Chris eating sub sandwich on television)

Chef: You REALLY want to see this, man.

Chris: (turns to see television) (shocked) (screaming)

* * *

(Aftermath studio)

Geoff: This is the last time we're gonna see each other guys. Getting a bit choked up here.

Bridgette: Oh we've had an awesome time together. I'm gonna miss you guys.

Leshawna: (touched) Oh, we'll miss you too, girl... (annoyed) now pick a winner so we can all go home!

Geoff: Not before we play our most painful ever, season finale all-star version of... "THAT'S gonna leave a mark"!

Bridgette: Roll clip.

(Screen shows montage of contestants being hurt)

* * *

(In traffic)

Chris: (to driver) (annoyed) You call this driving?! What are you doing?!

Chef: (lying back, uncaring) Well Chris, when a lot of cars are stuck on the same road, it's called "traffic."

Chris: (angry) We have to get there, now! Those kids are destroying my show!

Chef: (angry) And you are destroying my vacation. So maybe we're even.

Chris: (serious) Dude, I want a third season. If they mess this up, (grabs Chef) we can get canceled. DO you understand?! (releases Chef)

Chef: (annoyed) What do you want me to do, engage the wing button and fly the car?!

Chris: (angry) I bet Ryan Seacrest's driver would be able to fly the car!

Chef: (groans in annoyance)

* * *

(Aftermath studio, screen still playing montage)

Geoff: It's a bird, it's a plane, it's incredibly painful! (laughs)

Courtney: (face-palms) (irritated) Ugh, just end this! Just give one of us that colossal stack of cash!

Harold: (proud) I know! Just give all the money to me!

Courtney: (annoyed) Uh, NO?

Harold: (sad) It was worth a try.

Duncan: Stop! I have an idea! (proud) I've got a COMPLETELY even (winks at Courtney) way to get things done. (Courtney raises eyebrow at Duncan) A quiz show to decide WHO gets the money, judged by (points to himself) yours truly.

Peanut gallery: LAME! (Duncan cringes in shock)

(Beth running across stage with boards)

Izzy: (curious) What's she doing?

Beth: (builds challenge) (proud) Okay! One time, I watched this game show called "Contortion Leagues" where the players have to match a shape through a hole in walls with their bodies to earn points. So to win this round, Harold and Courtney will have to match the shapes in the holes while the wall moves towards them. So brilliant, right?

(Courtney and Harold shrug)

* * *

(Chris and Chef in limousine)

Chris: (to driver) Turn left here. (car turns sharply) Now go right. (car turns sharply) Left again. (car turns sharply) Now go straight ahead. (car brakes sharply at camp Wawanakwa) (Chris and Chef exits) (limousine drives away)

Chef: (sarcastically) Love the shortcut. You gonna get a new job as a GPS? (Chris cringes)

* * *

(Aftermath studio, contortion challenge)

Beth: Prepare to shape!

Courtney: (face-palms) (annoyed) THIS is the stupidest thing I've ever been a part of and I've been on this show for one and a half seasons!

Harold: I never thought I'd miss Chris.

Courtney: (ponders) (happy) But it IS a million bucks.

* * *

(Harold steps on conveyor belt, moves into rectangular shape, poses and matches shape)

Audience: (cheering)

* * *

(Courtney on conveyor belt, nervous, turns determined, poses and matches letter T shape) (Beth impressed)

Audience: (cheering)

(Courtney and Harold glare at each other)

* * *

(Harold on conveyor belt determined, poses and matches spider shape) (Lindsay applauses)

* * *

(Courtney on conveyor belt determined, poses and matches palm tree shape)

Duncan: (whistles and clapping in applause)

* * *

(Harold posing on conveyor belt worried, matches CN tower shape) (Geoff and Bridgette applauses)

* * *

(Courtney posing on conveyor belt shocked, matches flamingo shape)

* * *

(Harold and Courtney posing on conveyor belt back to back)

(clouds, ladder, pretzel, elephant, car, unicorn, and Chris' body shapes shown on wall back to back)

Bridgette: It's neck and neck Geoff.

Geoff: (happy) Speaking of which, want to neck?

Bridgette: (shrugs) (happy) Sure. (makes out with Geoff)

* * *

(Harold posing on conveyor belt exhausted, matching plus sign shape, hits forehead on wall, wall collapses on Harold)

Bridgette: (worried) Oh no. Too bad, Harold.

(Courtney on conveyor belt determined)

Geoff: This could be it, folks. Is Courtney our million dollar winner? (Beth smirking)

(Courtney nervous, struggles to pose and match Beth's face shape, falls over and crashes into wall)

Geoff: Ooh, it's a tie!

Eva: (annoyed) Make a decision! I'm bored! And you know what happens when I'm (hits fist into palm) bored?

Geoff: Looks like it's time for some embarrassing never before seen footage of CHRIS MCLEAN!

Bridgette: Once you've seen this side of Chris, he'll never be the same again.

(Clips show on screen)

(Chris sleeping sucking thumb) (Chris in makeup confessional, bald, intern sprays head and puts wig on Chris) (Chris at trailer wearing bathrobe, opens door, stretches, and wind blows robe up)

Chris: (arrives at studio with Chef) (angry) WHAT EXACTLY IS GOING ON HERE?! Did the network listen when I told them that putting a couple of amateurs in charge would be televised poison? (walks to host's couch) No, why would they? (Geoff and Bridgette nervously leave studio) (proud) But now that I'M in charge and the REAL show can begin, what we're gonna do here is to give each ex-contestant a chance to ask a question of Courtney and Harold, because YOU will be deciding who to give the million dineros to. (peanut gallery shocked) (sits down on couch) But first, let's watch each of them at their very worst. (to Harold) Harold, I got to say you weren't the most threatening member on Total Drama Action, I mean let's face it, you were a total wimp.

* * *

(Screen shows clips of Harold's misfortunes throughout season 2)

Harold: So a lot of bad stuff happened to me, what's the big deal? At least I've made it all the way to this finale.

Chris: And then there's Courtney, let's take a look at some heartwarming footage of princess fair lady. (Courtney scowls annoyed)

(Screen shows clips of Courtney's destructive behavior throughout season 2)

* * *

Owen: (happy) We don't need to ask a question. We know these guys.

Chris: (smirks) Do you... REALLY?

* * *

(Screen shows Courtney in trailer around Leshawna, Lindsay, and Beth who are sleeping) (Courtney tucks in Beth)

Leshawna: (touched) Aww!

(Courtney lowers Lindsay's sleeping mask to her eyes)

Duncan: (amused) Dude...

(Courtney kisses Leshawna on forehead)

Lindsay: (touched) It's like she's our little secret nanny!

Leshawna: (touched) Attagirl!

(Courtney looks around to see girls sleeping peacefully, smiles proudly)

Courtney: (shocked and annoyed) OH COME ON! Why'd you have to show them that?!

* * *

(Screen shows Harold sitting outside trailer sulking) (Chef carrying basket of cookies walks up to Harold)

Harold: (stands up, curious) What's that?

Chef: (gives basket to Harold) Cookie gram. Sent by the boys of the Total Drama fan club for all the guys to share.

Harold: (happy) Really? Wow, that's very charitable of them.

(screen cuts to a scene of Harold eating all of the cookies)

Audience: (gasp in shock)

Harold: (notices camera watching) (annoyed) Gosh! It's really hard work being an honorable warrior. I deserve this good stuff more than anybody! (shoves the camera out)

(Peanut gallery glare at Harold)

Leshawna: (disappointed) Mister nice guy, huh?! (Harold sinks in chair, guilty) (Courtney smirking)

Chris: (smirking) Ahh, yes. I'm back baby! And (turns to audience) we'll be right back with more Total... Drama... Finale!

* * *

Audience: (cheering)

Chris: Welcome back. Each contestant will have a chance to ask Harold and Courtney a question. One that helps them decide who will land that cool mill. (turns to peanut gallery) Total Drama Peanut Gallery, it's up to you to choose between these two sorry finalists. Geoff, Bridgette, would you like to start us off? (looks around confused) Bridgette and Geoff?

(Geoff and Bridgette making out in control room)

Chris: Moving right along... Trent?

Trent: (stands up) As part of Total Drama Action's movie theme, I want to know about your character. (looks at smiling Gwen) (nervous) Okay, like... let's say your boyfriend was being super nice to you and nothing more, and you, for some reason, found that odd and talked to his teammates about voting him out (peanut gallery shocked, including Gwen) and then they did that (Gwen uncomfortable) and then...

DJ: (uncomfortable) Awkward...

(Courtney and Harold stare at Trent, confused)

Harold: (confused) I... don't think I'd do that to anyone in the competition. But did you know that toilet water can be used as a cleaning agent for hot vegetables above two hundred seven degrees?

Leshawna: (confused) What?

Harold: Well, unless it's reeeally clean water.

Chris: (confused) O...kay. (annoyed) Thanks for that bit of nonsense, Harold. (smirks) Courtney, anything equally ferret brained to add?

Courtney: (annoyed) All I know is that you'd never see me doing what some guy told me to in the first place.

Harold and peanut gallery except Duncan: (laugh at Courtney) (Courtney cringes in shock) (Duncan face palms annoyed)

Chris: Alright, lets see if we can raise the level of this show with... Gwen!

Gwen: (serious) I wanna know how you plan to use the money you won to help save the environment when you're not busy thinking of yourselves.

Harold: (ponders) Well, as it turns out, tree plantations have been declining for quite a while in some areas in Canada due to mediocre funding, (happy) so I'll use the money to launch a marketing campaign to make sure that those provinces are filled with trees by approximately around our late thirties.

Gwen: (impressed) Really? Wow, I'm impressed.

Courtney: (proud) I've been thinking about how inspiring Greenpeace had impacted upon, in spite of their multiple arrests for illegal seizures of property vessels. I figured it'll be fair if I'd donate some of my winnings to them.

Gwen: (amazed) Wow, that's awesome Courtney! Thank you, my vote's been determined to you.

Chris: (annoyed) DJ, maybe you can make a little sense.

DJ: Let's say you are riding a bicycle quickly down a path and there's a fork in the road. On one side are beautiful daisies, on the other, dandelions. You're gonna have to roll over one of them to get where you're going. (serious) Which path would you choose?

Courtney: (annoyed) Dandelions, their seed heads always blow away, who cares?!

(Audience applaud in amusement, Heather smiles in agreement)

Harold: On the contrary, I would throw myself from the bike to save both the daisies and dandelions since they _both_ have good uses as herbal remedies.

DJ: (happy) (applauses) THAT'S RIGHT! YAY FOR HAROLD!

Chris: (slouching in dismay) Izzy, entertain me.

Izzy: (happy) Okay, so like, I just rented the DVD reissue of the 1982 breakout break dance hit movie "Break Break Break Already"... (ponders) or was it "Breakbeat Breakneck Breakdown?" (happy) No wait, I think it was "Breakin' Records II: The Boogaloo Dance Crew: (confused) The Criterion Edition"... or something. (Courtney and Harold look at each other confused) (happy) Okay, either way, I love the golden oldies! They don't make movies like that anymore! So, I need a break-off to decide my personal winner! Hit it, DJ!

DJ: (confused) What "it" am I hitting?

Izzy: (annoyed) Not you! (points to screen) DJ Jazzy Chef!

(Screen shows Chef playing breakdance music)

(Harold in spotlight, does arm waves) (Courtney shoves Harold out of spotlight)

Izzy: (excited) Awesome! (Courtney does one handstand then back spin move) Go Courtney! Go Courtney! (Courtney stops proudly)

(Music stops and spotlight turns off)

Chris: (walking to Courtney) You know, we really should do more dancing on this show. But for now, (does one handstand) let's give it over to, Heather!

Heather: I don't know which of you I'm voting for. Needless to say, _I _should be sitting in that chair.

Harold: I don't know, it doesn't seem like there's a lot of room left for more than two.

Heather: (frustrated) I mean INSTEAD of you, idiot! I was the one with all the strategic smarts, the will to win, the brains AND the courage! If it wasn't for a lot of bad luck and completely incompetent team members, WHY am I NOT THE WINNER?! What kind of CRAPPY SHOW IS THIS?! I'd better not run into either of you in the real world! UGH! (Courtney and Harold look at each other confused)

Chris: (face-palms, annoyed) Sure, why not? Leshawna?

Leshawna: (annoyed) I know how I'd spend the money if I won, but I want to know how YOU'D spend it.

Harold: (love-struck) I thought you'd never ask. (proud) Firstly, I'd take my special lady out for a luxurious dining experience at a fancy restaurant to celebrate my victory. Secondly, I'd purchase a nice mansion around three thousand two hundred forty eight square footage. (Courtney rolls eyes annoyed) Thirdly, I would get into the Space Observation Incorporated for my career of astronomy. And lastly, I'd purchase a private school building for underprivileged children. (audience applauds)

Chris: (amused) Could've used a little editing but it's gonna to be a tough one to beat. Courtney?

Courtney: (proud) Law school of course, so I can become a corporate lawyer enough to help a private school fund TWO buildings for underprivileged children. (audience applauds)

Chris: (annoyed) Really?

Courtney: (worried) I'm not bound by this, right?

Chris: (annoyed) Justin, make it quick will ya? Pina coladas are calling.

Justin: (dramatically) Now that the show has disfigured my face, I want to know if I can still be a leading man, or will I only be allowed to do character actor roles playing villains, criminals, and the institutionally insane?

Courtney: (whispers to Harold) (confused) Is this a trick question?

Harold: (proud) Well, I for one, see that you're eligible for the big screen kissing quite a number of girls in good movies. (winks in approval) So you still _do_ have what it takes, my friend.

(Justin smiles, touched)

Audience: (cheering)

Courtney: (nervous) Um... yeah! You're still like a... gorgeous... type movie star guy. (Justin stands and grins proudly)

Chris: (face-palms) (annoyed) You're killing me! Lindsay?

Lindsay: (stands up) (serious) I'm choosing Beth to win, because I like her, and tropical cruises are nice too. Thank you. (sits back down)

Chris: (annoyed) Lindsay! Beth's been eliminated already! And it has to be a question!

Lindsay: (stands up again) (distressed) Oh, then... um... do I like Beth? And, uh, do I think cruises are nice?

Courtney and Harold: Yes!

Lindsay: (shocked) Oh my gosh, you both know me so well. (worried) How am I gonna decide? (sits down again)

Chris: Okay, and now for the next inquisitor, Owen? I'm sure he'll have something sensible to bring to the table. (desperate) Pleeeease!

Owen: (happy) Okay so, I recently decided to start eating healthy.

Noah: (unbelieving) (scoffs) Yeah, right.

Owen: Oh no, no it's true! After I cleaned out the whole cheese cellar over one ill fated weekend, (rubs stomach) a light bulb went off in my belly. (farts)

Gwen: (worried) That's one crazy light bulb.

Owen: (walks to center stage) (embarrassed) Excuse me, roughage. (chuckles) (happy) Now I want everyone else to eat healthy too! I'm gonna get this whole wide world on a health kick! (proud) (kicks into air) YAH! (stomach cramps, clutches stomach) AAAAH! (audience laughs) (in pain) So Courtney, Harold, I'd like to have an eating contest.

Chris: (happy) Finally! A decent idea. Torturous, disgusting! (to Chef) Chef? (Chef rolls in food cart to Courtney and Harold)

Owen: We've provided tons of delicious kale, tofu, flaxseed, quinoa rolls, plain yogurt.

Courtney: (to Harold, worried) On second thought, maybe I should've split the money with you and avoid all this!

Harold: (shrugs) Your loss! I do love me some yogurt!

Owen: (proud) Just trying to do my part for a healthier, happier community. (to audience) Eat right! Stay bright! (does jumping jacks) One! Two! (strains stomach) AAH!AGH! (in pain) Let the healthy eating begin. (pants)

(Courtney worriedly eating quinoa roll, becomes disgusted) (Harold happily eating yogurt, becomes disgusted) (Courtney and Harold switch platters, continuing to eat)

(Chris looking at watch, grinning)

(Courtney and Harold holding in food in disgust)

Harold: (worried) Gosh, I suddenly don't feel so healthy.

Chris: (watch beeps, smirks) Time's up!

Owen: (walks to Courtney and Harold) (disappointed) Hmm, looks like they both barely touched this seaweed. I have to factor that into my PICK!

Courtney: (about to vomit) (swallows)

Owen: I rest my case. (walks back to seat)

Chris: Beth?

Beth: (happy) Oh, no thank you. I've done my part already. If I had to, I would've asked you if you think my boyfriend's real but now that doesn't matter because-

Heather: (annoyed) Here we go again.

Leshawna: Just let the little girl believe.

Beth: (excited) (looking at stage curtains) No-no! (points to stage curtains) I'm serious! (Brady enters) (gasps) Brady! (Beth and Brady hug)

Lindsay: (amazed) Wow!

Heather: (amazed) Not only is he real, he's really handsome!

Justin: (annoyed) Is it not bad enough that this show made me into a goblin? Now I got his gorgeousity making me come off as even more hideous. Great.

Beth: (love struck) I've got all the prize I need.

Brady: (confused) Oh, was I supposed to bring a prize?

(Beth and the others awkwardly stare at Brady)

Beth: (smiles) I love losing. (walks back to seat with Brady, holding each other's hands) (Duncan walks up impatiently, hands on hips)

Chris: (relieved) And... finally... mercifully... the end.

Duncan: (serious) Harold, Courtney... (music plays) (shocked) (annoyed) What the heck?!

Chris: (walking to center) (smug) Oh, sorry, looks like we're out of time. Get ready to vote!

Duncan: (irritated) What?! But, I didn't even get a chance to- (Chris mutes Duncan) (Duncan silently screaming in frustration)

Chris: Alright, "Total Drama Action" players, (walks to portable toilet rolled in by Chef) you'll be voting right here in this special voting booth. (to audience) Budget's gone, (smirks, points to toilet) got to work with what you got.

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Heather: (disgusted) (cautiously pulls out toilet paper piece, writes on paper with pen)

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Gwen: (holding pen and toilet paper piece) (to camera) (serious) You're not seeing it! I refuse to be predictable!

* * *

(Portable toilet)

DJ: (worried) I really, really, really hate to have to choose but, (happy) I had to vote for Harold. He may be awkward but he wins for being so considerate. (touched) And there's not enough gentle millionaires out there.

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Lindsay: (holding pen and toilet paper piece, sneezes and blows nose into paper) (throws away paper) (about to write) (sees nothing on hand, becomes confused)

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Owen: (happy) (holding toilet paper piece showing doodled picture of Courtney) Sure, even though she got me kicked out the first time, I still vote for Courtney for being such a healthy eater. And because I feel like she's one of the guys now. (farts) (worried) I think I maybe had one fiber rich scoop too many in my silly 'em blendy this morning. (opens up toilet seat) (taking off belt)

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Leshawna: (closes door, becomes disgusted, holds breath, retreats)

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Trent: (holding breath disgusted) (faints from shock)

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Izzy: (writing on toilet paper piece, chuckling manically) (pauses, looks around) (resumes writing on paper, chuckling manically)

* * *

(Portable toilet)

Duncan: (struggling to write on toilet paper piece) (annoyed) Once again, this lame show just cheaps out on production. I mean, how much can a decent pen cost? (shakes and looks into pen, ink discharges at his face) Agh! (frustrated) AW, COME ON!

* * *

Chris: A million dollars will be awarded right now. Whose will it be? (pulls out jar filled with votes from floor) I have the answer right here! Contained in this urn. (sniffs jar) It still smells like dill. And now...the votes. (Courtney and Harold briefly grin in anticipation) (digging into jar) (confused) What the? (pulls out vote covered in ink) (turns to annoyed Duncan still covered in ink) (throws vote aside) (happy) Courtney... (Courtney pumps arm in victory) (pulls out vote) Harold... (Harold excited) That's one vote for Courtney and one vote for Harold. (pulls out vote) One more vote for Courtney. (pulls out vote) Another one for Courtney. (Courtney crosses arms smugly, Harold frowns annoyed) That's three votes for Courtney and one vote for Harold. (pulls out vote) That's another vote for Harold! That's three votes for Courtney, two votes for Harold.

Heather: (annoyed) Hurry it up!

Chris: (serious) I will not let you spoil the nail-biting tension I am deliberately weaving here! (pulls out vote) (happy) That's three votes for Harold, (pulls out vote) and one for (turns to Izzy, annoyed) Explosivo.

Izzy: (chuckles manically) BOO-BOOM!

Chris: (annoyed) Fine. (pulls out last vote)

* * *

(Courtney's ending)

Chris: The season two Total Drama Winner is... (Courtney and Harold look nervous) COURTNEY!

Courtney: (excited) (laughing triumphantly) YEAH-HAH-HAH-HAH!

Duncan: (excited) (runs up and hugs Courtney) Oh-ho, sweet! We're rich!

Courtney: (pushes confused Duncan away) (annoyed) Whoa-ho-ho-ho, not so fast, grimy. Who said I'd share anything with you?

Duncan: (sad) Aw, come on!

Courtney: (smirks) Just kidding. (pulls and kisses shocked Duncan, who subsequently looks content) And besides, every queen needs a king.

Duncan: (amused) "King", huh? That doesn't sound so terrible... (Duncan and Courtney continue kissing)

Justin: (shocked) Now I wish I didn't vote for Courtney.

Peanut gallery and audience: (cheering for Courtney)

(Harold sad)

Leshawna: (hand on Harold's shoulder) (comforting) You did great, baby. Making all the way to the end, kicking Duncan's butt, I'm proud of you.

Harold: (happy) Thanks, Leshawna. (turns to Courtney still kissing Duncan) You know, I may be a runner-up, (proud) but at least I'm going home as a new man!

Leshawna: (impressed) Mm-hmm! I guess you are. (hugs Harold)

Chris: And so it ends. Thanks, from me, your beloved and humble host, Chris McLean! And from our loser Harold. It's been a great season of Total... Drama... Action!

* * *

(Harold's ending)

Chris: The season two Total Drama winner is... (Courtney and Harold look nervous) HAROLD!

Harold: (excited) YEEEEES!

Peanut gallery and audience: (cheering for Harold)

Leshawna: (runs up and hugs Harold) WHOO! You go, Harold! That's my baby!

Harold: (happy) Thanks, Leshawna. (turns to audience) THANK YOU, EVERYONE! (proud) Gosh, it looks like I'm coming home a millionaire _and _as a new man! Awesome!

(Peanut gallery crowding Harold in applause)

(Courtney sulking on chair in defeat)

Duncan: (to Courtney, offering his hand) Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat?

Courtney: (annoyed) I don't usually eat with losers.

Duncan: (grinning) Neither do I, but I asked you, didn't I? (Courtney smiles and accepts his hand) So uh, where do you want to buy me dinner?

Courtney: (happy) I'd be happy to fix you up a nice homemade (holds up fist at confused Duncan) knuckle sandwich! (pulls out PDA, devious) But first, we have to work up a strategy and call my lawyers. (Courtney dials a number on her PDA, holds Duncan's hand) (Duncan raises eyebrow annoyed) After all this election fraud, (Courtney and Duncan leave) I smell another winnable lawsuit coming up!

Chris: Our season two winner! (Harold proudly being held up by contestants in victory) Harold! He gets one million dollars! (throws the million dollar case at Harold's head, knocking him out, contestants concerned for Harold) And so it ends. Thanks, from me, your beloved and humble host, Chris McLean! And from our winner, Harold. It's been a great season of Total... Drama... Action!


End file.
